they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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