Reggie can tackle my bush.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
