who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
