Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
