??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
