I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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