he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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