I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
