I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
