i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
