Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
