She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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