ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
