I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
