Have you finally orgasmed yet?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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