While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
