This is not my ceiling
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
