The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
