The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
