im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
