We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He shit in the fireplace
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
