i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
