We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
