You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
