I cockslap morals
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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