not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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