he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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