I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
