just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
