Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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