If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
