dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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