We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
