Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
