how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
