My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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