All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
