I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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