are you still at the devil's house?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
