based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
