I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
