i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
