So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
