Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
