he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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