she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
