it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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