Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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