Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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