I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
