I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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