i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
