What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
