I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
